Lana's Story
by coyoteraven80
Summary: A true story, based on events of my life. Put in fairy tales category because it was the best place to my knowledge.


Lana's Story

_All personal names have been changed so that no one can be traced back to these people._

My name is Lana. No last name, no middle name. To you I am just Lana, to my real reality, I am no one. I am writing this now out of respect for myself. I hate my life. It's as simple as that, but it all comes from somewhere. This somewhere started around Grade Four, maybe a little past. My best friend and only friend moved Alberta; I would never see her again. A girl who never spoke to me in class before started talking to me. She lived not far from me and we became close friend. We biked so much that it was crazy. Then someone who lived across the hall from me, we'll call her Casey. She introduced me to Leslie. The friendship me and Leslie had was inseparable, it came between my friendships between Tracy. Tracy started going around the one who swore I was the worst person ever when I was deemed very kind. She was Jealous. The friendship between me and Tracy quickly came to a halt.

Leslie and I were hard little duo to separate. We both loved to sing, we had talent. The talent has still never been discovered fore we no longer feed it as much as we used to, I feed a new talent. Leslie and I came up with billions of ideas and stayed friends even after she moved father away but still within a fifth teen minute drive. In the summer between Grade Five and Grade Six, I spent most of my time down there. Tracy never approved of my friendship with her. Tracy and I somehow managed to make a thin strand of friendship that summer. We continued biking and climbing a mountain not far from. But of course, all good things do come to an end. Grade Six hit and we slowly separated. Lea and Nikki were two girls in our class that became friends with me and Tracy. My friendship with Tracy wavered when before Tracy moved too far away to far to redeem contact, Nikki wrote me something saying that she wished that I was dead. The abuse has never ending not ever since I started school. Tracy moved and that was that. I was left almost done Elementary and in constant bullying.

Then I met Andrew. I was introduced to him by Leslie. They were going out at the time so I could not let my feelings suppress. I loved Andrew, once I got to know him there was no turning away from my feeling. I went out with his best friend Colin. Through all of that I met his other friend Luke. Luke was appealing and kinder than Colin. I have never dated Luke though. Colin broke up with about a few weeks after we started going out, or it might have just fallen apart. Andrew broke up with Leslie and oddly enough, I was glad. About a month after that, I got what I wanted, to go out with Andrew, best of all, on Valentine's Day. In the summer though an incident no longer allowed me to go to Leslie's so I started babysitting. Sometime in August I thought Andrew was cheating on me. I dumped him but it hurt far too much when I did. I never said anything after that. I kept my friendship with Colin and Luke, and managed to keep it with Andrew as well. It hurt to watch him run around with other girls though.

We started going out again. Now I have entered Grade Seven with all of this happening. The terrible truth was revealed in October. Andrew didn't cheat; a girl was tempting him and toying with him. The people I knew and trusted had lied. Mid November I revealed my strong feelings for him, he admitted that he loved me too. Just before Christmas break, I was dumped, for Leslie. My only trusting friend was Luke. He was the one who told me the truth even though Leslie lied. While everyone else told me that they went out, even Andrew told me, and Leslie told me something different, the opposite. My love for Andrew never faded and for the first time, I lost control. I've always had great control over my emotions. I remember this clearly though, no one was home it was dark and it was night. I remember sitting on the living floor attempting control when the tears poured. I remember going to Leslie's just before Christmas and waking up to something terrible. Her school had a semi-formal, I woke to the picture of Andrew and Leslie on the front step with theirs arms around each other. It was right in front of me.

I had struggled with my emotions but regained control then. Then the verbal abuse and threats started. My mother was constantly yelling at me and when she yelled she swore, blamed me and got in my face. Her screams hurt and the way she stared made me feel as if I was being pierced through with a knife. I have more scars then I can count, she never did anything about the cat that attacked me and still does. I have a scar from broken glass, a lamb that broke over my head when I was younger. I have scars I don't remember getting, I deep, wide one on my collar bone is most interesting. The threats all came, her only excuse for not 'smashing' my face, was 5.500 dollar orthodontic treatment. She didn't drink much, and she no longer smoked, so I never can understand why she is doing it. The threats all just became worse. My emotions would spin out of control and I could cry for no apparent reason. Suicide always seemed like a better escape to me. I forced myself to fight back that thought and live on.

Summer came, I graded with better grades then my mom could hope for. Now my mom had to have me here all the time. The pains of her words always stun and the way she attacked after work was stressful. I now see Andrew with a very beautiful girl named Kelsey. I have planned to run away, to Andrew. I need to tell him how I feel and ask for his help. I've come to realize that Leslie can no longer help me out of this. I need Andrew's help. He was able to stop me from committing suicide once; he would be able to set me straight. I have an over imaginative mind. I am very talented writer and wish to become a writer when I become older. My writing has inspired others to write. No one knows that my original talent is my voice and my gift of words. I love my mother but I can no longer last around. I love Andrew more than anything in the world, but he doesn't see it. If I tell him I know I'll just be hurting myself more. If I was to die, would he care? If I was to run to him, would he help? Would he call me crazy and try to send me to a mental hospital? I don't know, I wish I did though.

If you could only See

By: Tonic

If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me

Well you got your reasons  
And you got your lies  
And you got your manipulations  
They cut me down to size

Sayin' you love but you don't  
You give your love but you won't

If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me

Seems the road less traveled  
Show's happiness unraveled  
And you got to take a little dirt  
To keep what you love  
That's what you gotta do

Sayin' you love but you don't  
You give your love but you won't  
You're stretching out your arms to something that's just not there  
Sayin' you love where you stand  
Give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about our love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me

Sayin' you love but you don't  
You give your love but you won't  
Sayin' you love where you stand  
Give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way she loves me  
Then maybe you would understand  
Why I feel this way about or love  
And what I must do  
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says  
When she says she loves me


End file.
